As a news reporter I'm usually strictly forbidden from expressing my own opinion. Yep, my newsroom is a bit like China. So I use this, this...thing, this wonderful thing to discuss whatever the hell I like. Clever, ey? Try suing me now, pigs!

Cheers!

Cheers!

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Mephed-Up

There isn't much that scares me. I sleep in the dark, eat raw fish and once punched a bloke - deservedly, I should add - in the face. Hard.

I primarily put this down to a warped sense of realism, meaning I often find myself in situations thinking: "What's the worst that could happen?", like some sort of Dr. Pepper mantra.

Let me put this into metaphorical practice.

Were a man to coerce his way into my house hellbent on stealing, raping, killing or otherwise annoying me, my family or their possessions you'd expect survival mode to kick in. Not me. My distorted mindset dictates that I would be hoping that the trespasser had politely removed his shoes upon entry.

To me a hacked throat would by far outweigh the inconvenience arduousness of removing mud stains from Mum's beige carpet.

Exception to this affliction is the controversy-mire that are legal highs. My inclinations on the rising popularity of these drugs are crystal clear, set in stone, mounted on my mantlepiece because of one night last year.

Looking for a cheap, hassle free night away from the bright lights of town, me and friends settled for a night on the sofa's rather than the tiles.

A few of the lads had been talking about something called Space-E, which I now know is one of the ridiculous pseudonyms for the increasingly popular party-drug Mephedrone.

Sold online and over the counter at head shops, Mephedrone, or Meow Meow as it is now commonly known, can be purchased for as little as £10 a gramme and gives users a feeling of euphoria.

Unbeknownst to me It is currently legal for sale in the UK, though not for human consumption, but calls are being made to outlaw the substance in the wake of a number of deaths related to the drug.

Mephedrone is reported to induce amphetamine-style euphoria in combination with mental and physical stimulation, feelings of empathy and increased talkativeness. Physical changes can include dilated pupils, sweating, raised temperature, increased heart rate and high blood pressure.


Side-effects of the drug can include anxiety, depression, nose bleeds,nausea and vomiting. Police have also reported some users have stopped breathing, following a collapse caused by the drug, and user accounts tell of a sharp, depressing comedown and overwhelming feelings of anxiety.


I remember thinking that for a tenner and with no legislative restrictions this stuff, this 'Plant Food', was cheap and legal. A bit like good porn.


After an anxious ten minutes during which I felt like a Huntingdon Life Science experiment, I became totally overwhelmed both physically, from head to toe, and mentally. I could feel blood pumping through my veins like express trains. Everything became clear, my head had opened, my body in awe of, well, everything. I unashamedly, and looking back now, quite pathetically, admitted that I'd never felt so incredibly alive.


This feeling lasted for about an hour after which I came crashing back to normality with my head feeling as though I'd slammed it against a wall. Something that subsequently I wished I'd rather opted for. I felt low, scummy and tainted - a feeling that, to my horror, lasted days. Legal or not, I'd just harmed myself in ways I didn't know.


Mephedrone, like any drug, is dangerous but perhaps the most discernible concern with this drug is the lack of knowledge about what it does to you. Mephedrone was introduced into this country in 2007 and its stratospheric rise in popularity has caught both medics and the Advisory Council for the Misuse of Drugs off guard.


One user who admitted himself to hospital after binging on Meow Meow described petrified doctors unwilling to administer medical procedures for fear of causing a reaction with the substance.


"I was left sitting in the corridor, sweat pouring out of me and my heart smashing against my chest. They thought I was going to die," he said.


But despite the news headlines and government proposals to classify Mephedrone as a class B drug, use of the substance is still on the rise.


A regular user put it this way: "It doesn't matter whether it's legal or not, there'll be an alternative out in months that people will start using.
"I've noticed changes in people who do it all the time but they'll still crack on with it."

This is perhaps the most shocking detail of the rise of Mephedrone, that the consequences of this drug become very much a secondary consideration to a night out.

And that is very scary.

Monday, 22 March 2010

Corking English Wine

The English have always had a reputation as a nation of drinkers. Switch on the news and you’ll invariably hear a story about youngsters’ intolerable drinking patterns, usually coupled with a still image of a woman with her knickers over her face. “We are a society of lager louts,” Jon Snow will boom.
Well, I went to see whether I could change this. I was to embark on a mission to learn to respect alcohol and more specifically wine, English wine. Beer sales have declined 5% since 2003 with wine over taking it as the nations favourite beverage. England, it seems, has become not just a nation of drinkers, but also a nation of wine drinkers. Every year we knock back an intoxicating 1.16 billion litres of wine – almost a quarter of a billion bottles. But out of this mind-splitting figure, English wine sales account for only 1% of the domestic market. What was wrong with English wine? I went on a three-day discovery into the heart of English winemaking to see whether I could become an English wine expert and then put my new skills to the test.

Monday, 15 March 2010

How Much Of A Loss Is David Beckham To England?

What a difference a week makes...

At Old Trafford last Wednesday David Beckham received a standing ovation at the club whose fans still hold him dearly to their hearts.

Fast forward a week and Beckham was leaving the San Siro, his adopted home away from the Hollywood Hills, with more tears in his eye - this time with his World Cup dream over.

"It's snapped! It's snapped", he is reported to have let out after he hobbled to the sidelines: two years of perilous hard work was in a instant rendered obsolete.

But how much of a set back is this for Fabio Capello's England and which, if any, midfielder should replace him?

Firstly, Capello's willingness to include Beckham in the squad against Egypt and his periphery role during qualification suggests that his ticket to South Africa was all but stamped.

But his role at the World Cup would have no doubt been as a substitute, used in the latter stages matches to either bombard the oppositions penalty box with trademark deliveries, or make use of his ball retention abilities to maintain possession.

The truth is England have lost a fringe player.

But in Beckham, with 115 caps to his name, Capello had a player he could turn to when an experienced head was needed and someone to show the younger players the way.

His injury has also reopened the case for the fragility of England's midfield - not to mention goalkeeper, defence and Wayne Rooney's strike partner - and who should take his place.

Optimists will say that if a fit Aaron Lennon and a resurgent Theo Walcott and Shaun Wright-Phillips are in the squad the memory of Beckham on the right flank will be a distant one. But those are two massive 'if's'.

Capello favours versatile players so this has all but sealed James Milner's place but question marks still surround his Aston Villa team mates Ashley Young and Gabriel Agbonlahor despite their league form.

The same can't be said about Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard, whose inconsistent seasons will have no bearing on their guaranteed starting XI positions.

As for Joe Cole, on the other hand, it seems that the form of Florent Malouda will have the final say on his selection but assuming - and it's nothing more than an assumption at present - he does get regular football under Ancelotti he'll presumably occupy the position Gerrard did against Egypt.

This leaves time, and now vacancies, for other players to prove their worth to Capello. Players in with a shout include former Beckham protege David Bentley and after his recent performance for Manchester City, Adam Johnson, not forgetting the soon to be fit again, and England's player of the tournament back in 2006, Owen Hargreaves. Carlton Cole or Darren Bent could yet throw their hats into the ring and offer Capello a fifth striker.

One thing the Italian isn't short of is options. But as the tournament approaches the England manager may regret the lack of quality players capable of competing with tournament favourites Spain and Brazil.

Capello shouldn't rue missing a player of Beckham's declining stock and he'll soon discern that despite the exaggerated coverage by the tabloids, he could have lost a more important player.











Friday, 12 March 2010

Have The Shots Of Democracy Been Fired?


A quiet revolution is happening in the Great British countryside. What used to be a pastime of the gentry and of City bankers is becoming popularised by the likes of builders and plumbers. Shooting, it seems, has become democratised with schools and associations reporting an increase in memberships for both men and, in stark contrast to the sports origins, women.

Shooting has been practised in many parts of rural-Britain for centuries and in some regions it is considered part of the culture. Today, the British Association for Shooting and Conservation say that over one million people a year participate in clay, target or game shooting.

To participate in the sport though has traditionally been expensive, with some group days costing as much as £20,000. Inevitably this all but ruled out working classes, establishing the stereotype that the sport was one for Edwardian, tweed-clad men. Well, not any more.

Simon Clarke from the British Association for Shooting and Conservation says shooting has transcended class boundaries and evolved into a 21st century sport.

“Shooting is much more open than many people think. It is stereotyped by the image of the Edwardian country house shoot. This style of shooting has now largely passed into history,” said Mr. Clarke.

Clarke describes modern shooting as being dominated by smaller syndicates who come together, rent land and shoot over it in the appropriate season.

As for the acceptance of women on shoots, Clarke adds: “There has been an increase in participation from women, and the most valid reason for this would be a more open attitude within shooting and society in general. As with salmon fishing many of the very best participants are, of course, women.”

In the last ten years there has been an increase of smaller syndicates and farmers diversifying to run shoots. Customers at these farms can now pay as little as £10-£15 a bird and it’s usually at these shoots where electricians rub shoulders with lawyers.

Someone who has noticed a change in demographic of those who shoot is Dylan Williams. As managing director of the Royal Berkshire Shooting School he witnessed a rise not just in female participants but also a more working class clientele.

He said: “I attended an event where thirty thousand tickets were sold and I would say that most of the people who were there were B1, B2, C1, C2.

“This week we will have builders, plumbers, accountants, surgeons and captains of industry. It’s a sport for people who want to be in an area of natural beauty and want to have that social experience too. There is no community that has not been here.”

Williams does however concede that the sport, specifically game shooting is aimed at the higher income shooter, something underlined by two of his schools’ sponsors: Aston Martin and Porsche.

Perhaps this realizes that for all the progress shooting has made in the past decade it is still a sport that attracts, above all else, wealthy people.

Henny Goddard works at Roxtons, a travel company that specialises in shooting breaks. She said that over the last few years they haven’t experienced the same rise in numbers as shooting clubs and schools.

“Over the last years it has remained quite level despite the recession. Our clients are high net worth so we haven’t offered any deals. We haven’t had to. What we offer is for the top end of the market,” said Ms. Goddard.

One of those high earners is farmer Ian Friend. He says he was brought up with a gun in his hand living in a traditional rural family. He shoots game all season long and says he works his life around shooting.

Friend says: “I went on 35 shooting days this season [September 1st 2009 – February 1st] and I go all over the country depending on what I want to shoot.

“I pay between £25 and £46 per bird but the norm is about £33 plus VAT. So a group day out can cost up to £10, 000. I usually spend between thirty and forty thousand pounds a year. It’s not cheap but it’s what I love doing,” said Mr. Friend.

With punters like Friend, a passionate shooter with expendable income, it’s easy to see how shooting is worth 1.6 billion to the UK economy. It’s also an industry that supports the equivalent of more than seventy thousand jobs.

Mr. Friend does however reiterate that class isn’t a pre-determining factor to shooting and his only concern for the sport isn’t that it is overrun with “obnoxious idiots” but that it is protected from those who oppose it.

Another sport that has traditionally attracted higher income participants is salmon fishing. Rivers, or beats, in parts of Scotland are thriving, particularly the ‘big four’: the Tay, Tweed, Spey and Dee.

Much like shooting, fishing for salmon, which can cost north of £1,000 a day on the busiest, consistent beats, wants to shrug off the image of it being elitist.

Pete McFishy (a legitimate name he assures me) is the general manager of a publishing company in the Midlands.

Mr. McFishy earns a salary of £75, 000 a year and fishes in Scotland and Ireland. He imagines that fishing “conjurs up images of people in tweeds” but says in reality this isn’t the case.

“It would be naïve to deny that salmon angling is associated with the country set. It appears elitist and has been portrayed as elitist – but in reality it is not,

“I would say that the vast majority of anglers that I share the bank with each year are working or middle class. The biggest issue in any form of angling, however, is not the class of angler, it is the ability of the angler to follow the rules."

Like Friend, Mr. McFishy see's the future of these two countryside sports lying in tradition and etiquette, not how much money you make.

The supposed era of social exclusivity is apparently over and the firing shot for the age of integrated participation has been sounded.

Why Has Britain Become The Worlds Discount Store?


John Cadbury had very few career choices. Although his family was wealthy his religious disposition as a Quaker meant that he could not pursue a career in law or medicine – for that required going to University - and as a pacifist a job in the army was out of the question.

So in 1842, at the age of 22, Cadbury opened a grocery shop on Bull Street, an affluent part of Birmingham. Unlike the others on the street he wouldn’t sell alcohol – something he considered the cause for many 19th century social ill’s – choosing instead to manufacture drinking chocolate and cocoa.

Today Cadbury is one the archetypal British industry stalwarts: rich in history, a proud heritage and deeply rooted in the public’s consciousness.

That, until last month, could be true. Now, over a century and a half after Cadbury opened on the corner of a Brummie street, the sweet tooth of Britain’s back bone has been removed.

Divorced from its birthplace it has been placed into the hands of American food giant Kraft: best known for the processed cheese they make for burgers.

The deal that took Cadbury across the Atlantic gathered pace last year. In September 2009 Kraft tabled a hostile bid of £10.2bn for the chocolate brand. This was promptly rejected by shareholders, considering the offer ‘derisory’, that it undermined the true value of the company.

Back to the drawing board went deal makers and on January 19th this year Irene Rosenfeld, Kraft Chairman, and Roger Carr, her opposite at Cadbury, shook hands on an 850pps deal, valuing a Cadbury at £11.6bn.

Everybody, it seemed, had an opinion. MP’s, in an election year, wanted job assurances for their constituents, shareholders took their hands out of profit-laden pockets and pointed at capitalism and Dairy Milk scoffers were left thinking: “Will it still taste the same?”

Cadbury, the great British chocolate maker, will, as off 19th March, no longer be a listed British company.

Felicity Loudon is the great granddaughter of John Cadbury and remembers it being one of those bright winters days when she heard news that the deal had been completed.

It was a lovely day, and I think it was warm, but all that became irrelevant. I was having lunch with a friend in London when reality hit.

“My reaction was one of horror and disbelief, at the thought that a ‘plastic cheese company’ could even be considered worthy of one of our few remaining British jewels.”

Mrs Loudon feels “totally let down” by the then board of Cadbury, that they could erase the work of her great grandfather.

“I'm sure that my great grandfather would be totally horrified that the vision he had, the care for his workforce, the extreme sense of philanthropy should not only be swept away by greed, and devious share dealing, but also that the brand should fall into foreign hands.”

Hands of owners, she says, that neither care nor understand the iconic status that Cadbury has in the UK and across the world. Something Mrs Loudon ascribes to its “defining taste, affordability and Britishness”.

Jennie Formby, National Officer for the Food, Drink and Tobacco Sector at Unite the Union, has said there is no guarantee that workers’ jobs are safe under a Kraft; a company that sought a £7bn bond issue in order to finance a loan it used to buy Cadbury shares.

Formby’s fear was confirmed earlier this month when a Cadbury factory in Somerdale was closed, with it 400 hundred jobs.

She says: “The concern we have is for the long-term future of Cadbury workers and this is why we wanted Cadbury to remain independent.

“The debt level of Kraft is substantial and in our experience that risk is transferred to the workers. Kraft has already said that jobs are going to go in the UK regardless. Managerial jobs will be cut; they do not want to have two operations.”

Kraft, says Formby, has put the “albatross of [their] debt around Cadbury’s neck”.

But this isn’t just a case of confectionary robbery. Since the 1980’s Britain has become heavily invested in by foreign companies. Thirty years ago the proportion of shares owned on the UK stock market by rest of the world investors was 3.6%. During the 90’s-00’s this exploded and at the end of 2008 over forty-one percent of UK stocks were in the hands of international owners.

Some of the most recognisable names in Britain are in the hands of foreign owners, in industries as diverse as energy, sports, travel and cosmetics.

For example, if the gas or electricity that heats your home this winter or illuminates your living room is provided by EDF or E-ON then the chances are your bills went into the French or German economy respectively.

You’ve probably travelled using a Spanish airport despite never intended to have done so. BAA, who own London Heathrow (the world’s second busiest airport) as well as 5 other airports across the UK, are headed by the Spanish Ferrovial Group. Luggage gone missing? Try: ¿donde esta mi equipaje?

And the list goes on: Scottish and Newcastle, Bentley, P&O Ferries, o2, HP Sauce et cetera, at cetera.

So, why have companies come to British shores to invest their dollars, euro’s or oil-earned dirham? And shouldn’t something be done to protect long- standing British institutions?

MP John Redwood, co-chairman of the Conservative Party’s Policy Review Group on Economic Competitiveness, see’s foreign investment as inevitable, partly down to recent boom-bust economics.

Redwood believes that as a consequence of running a big balance of payments deficit, owing to excess credit and weak exports we are “bound to have import lots of capital to balance the books.

In this global world one group of overseas shareholders will sell to a new group of overseas shareholders. No government is going to stop managers selling out if they wish, or stop international shareholders selling their shares for a good price.”

Ian Price of the CBI believes that the ease of at which investors can command a controlling stake in companies makes Britain a likely country to invest.

He added: “It is easier to buy into British businesses than it is in other parts of the world.

Foreign investment is inevitable as part of a global economy and while the opportunities are still there we will still see it continue.

The Government itself backs the recent epidemic of takeovers. A Treasury spokesman said that inward investment (the injection of capital from an external source into a region; in this case the UK) in 2008-09 created and safeguarded almost eighty thousand jobs.

The spokesman said the reason why British companies have emerged as attractive business propositions is because the UK has created a “strong and open business environment, with a competitive tax policy (the UK has the lowest top corporate tax rate in the G7 of 28%). There is also a supportive legal system for businesses, a top competition regime, world-class talent and a flexible workforce, which fosters confidence, high-level skills, innovation, creativity and success.”

One firm that symbolised the industrial craftsmanship and elegant class of Rule Britannia was carmaker Jaguar. Roaring to the forefront of the British motor industry in the 1950’s, Jaguar was so elite and effortlessly sexy that the firm held Royal Warrants from HM The Queen and James Bond drove one. Jaguar was the jewel in the British crown.

A diamond that was removed when Ford, the American car manufacturer took over the firm in 1989. Since then the car manufacturer has not appeared on the London Stock Exchange having previously been a regular fixture on the FTSE 100.

In 2008 Ford sold Jaguar as part of a £1.4bn deal, which included other British manufacturer Land Rover, to Indian carmakers Tata Motors. At the time Chief Executive Ratan Tata said that he planned to support growth of the carmakers while “holding true to our principles of allowing the management and employees to bring their experience and expertise to bear on the growth of the business."

Explaining the takeover, Ashmita Pillay, Manager, Corporate Communications, at Tata Motors said the decision to take over Jaguar as one based partly on its esteemed history.

Pillay said: “Jaguar is renowned for its luxury saloons and is highly regarded. It has a long heritage in its segment and has tremendous unfulfilled market potential. This is why Tata Motors decided to acquire Jaguar.”

The biggest car manufacturer in India made substantial cost-cutting measures, reducing the British workforce by 2,000, out-sourcing production overseas and closing the firm’s pension scheme to new members.

In a move to prevent further job cuts, after reporting a sales decline across the two brands by 26% last year, Tata have urged new staff at Jaguar Land Rover to accept a one fifth wage reduction in return for a job guarantee until 2015.

There are no plans to shift production from the UK,” added Pillay, in a way Jaguar Land Rover worker’s will find worryingly reminiscent to what was said two years earlier.

Jamie Sheppard, 21, from Bournemouth recently started a job at MUTV, the television channel commissioned by one of Britain’s most successful football clubs, Manchester United. He joins at a time when fans have been most vocal in their disdain for the clubs owners, the Glazer family.

Gradually gaining a controlling majority of shares in United, the Glazer’s assumed full ownership of United in June 2005. To finance the investment the Glazer family plunged into the loan market and have subsequently straddled the Club with debts of over £700 million, securing the debt on assets including the Club’s home stadium, Old Trafford, and Carrington training ground.

I think most people I work with, myself included, would agree that as long as the owners have the best interest of Manchester United at heart and see it as a supporters club as well as a business, then it doesn’t really matter who the bosses are or where they're from,” said Mr. Sheppard.

The cameraman admits that he was aware of the clubs situation before accepting the job and that jobs cuts are usually one of the easiest ways to shore up a balance sheet.

But thethought doesn't occupy Sheppard.

“If you think like that day in day out then it will affect your work and then you stand even more chance to lose your job, so I think the best way is to do everything asked of you plus more and make yourself invaluable to the club so they can't afford to get rid of you.”

With corporations willing to flex their financial muscles across the world, what can be done to protect the British company? One idea that has been mooted is a review of the current UK takeover regulations.

Controlled by the independent Panel on Takeovers and Mergers, current rulings have been argued to benefit short term traders like hedge funds. Their transactions are rewarded on the basis that they can short sell at the expense of long term shareholders. When shares in Cadbury rallied on the back of Kraft’s interest long term shareholders sold a quarter of the company to hedge fund managers, taking the traders’ final stake in the institution to 31% when all that is needed for a formal takeover is 50%.

Reacting to this Roger Carr described a last minute panic to buy leveraged shares as “individuals controlling shares which they had owned for only a few days or weeks determined the destiny of a company that had been built over almost 200 years."

Another possible reform is to reduce the level at which movements in securities have to be formally disclosed to 0.5% from its current 1%, giving shareholders better clarity as to who owns what of any company. This would ultimately aid shareholder wanting to hold out for the best possible price for their stock. One further proposal is to increase the takeover threshold to 60% - so as to reduce the impact of short term investors against long term ones.

Vince Cable, Liberal Democrat Treasury spokesman, has been vocal in his support for the reintroduction of a public interest test when a takeover for a British company emerges. This would replace the current Enterprise Act, established in 2002, which critics say focuses specifically on competition issues.

But why, when news emerges of a possible foreign bid, is it met with such hostility. The UK’s economy grew just 0.02% in the fourth quarter of last year. Britain is looking over the edge at a potential double-dipped recession. Oil prices and the end of the VAT ‘holiday’ meant inflation has soared to a fourteen month high of 3.5%. The pound remains a vulnerable currency; down 16% against the dollar in the last two years.

The truth is Britain is currently like a high street shop during the winter sales. A potential investor could pick up a bargain and save a fortune on one of Britain’s most established companies.

A British heavyweight like Sainsbury’s could be up for grab. Having rejected a 600pps bid in 2007 the supermarket is trading at just below half that now. Perhaps the Sainsburys family, who own 15% of the company, would consider a fresh bid.

Maybe the troubled British Airways could go the same way as the airport it is based. The once-great airline has undoubtedly had its problems: Terminal 5, the threat of strike, cutting pension plans, not forgetting the £401m loss it made last year. Having merged with Iberian Airlines last year maybe it’s time someone took the British out of the flagship airline.

And why not?

Over 70% of the earnings made by the top 100 companies on London Stock Exchange (LSE) come from abroad. Given that Britain has experienced a much deeper and longer recession than most other countries shouldn’t we be praying for further foreign investment?

Lord Meghad Desai, professor at the London School of Economics thinks it’s time we accepted the integration of foreign investment in British life.

The economist said: “I welcome foreign investment in Britain. The whole notion of national and foreign should erode as we globalise more and more.”

We may cry foul when one of our cherished companies falls into the ownership of investors but what we don’t bemoan is when our companies do exactly the same. Indeed the UK invested more than £520bn abroad between 1996-2005.

As for Cadbury? Perhaps we shouldn’t feel such a sense of loss. Jennie Formby explains: “We shouldn’t feel too sentimental about Cadbury. Sixty per cent of its shareholders before the takeover weren’t British. It was more American than British but it was listed I this country. Companies aren’t really interested in anything other than bottom line.”

And that, above all, is why in a globalised world there is very little we can do to stop the swiping of what we used to think of as the heart of Britain.


Column: Films to miss before you die


I’m an easy going guy. Rarely enraged, scarcely seething and never particularly frustrated by life’s little grievances (I call these life’s ‘surprises’). I’d go as far as saying that I’ve never had a bad day in my life and there’s a reason for this: I don’t make lists.

To make a list is to set boundaries and limitations. Nothing that’s on a list is ever definitive. For example, notice that when you go shopping you either miss something or spend a small fortune on something a television advertisement told you to. It’s for these reasons that lists can only leave you disappointed.

People who write lists probably think they’re orderly and, like Brick Tamland from Anchorman, “rarely late”. But I believe these ‘listophiles’ are backward thinking. These are the people that if they had it their way cider wouldn’t be served with ice. Hotdogs would never have made it to the half-foot milestone they deserve and baseball caps wouldn’t have developed a cool neck-shield.

We don’t need to-do lists, shopping lists and, most of all, the hyperbolic ‘Greatest Film’ list.

Never has there been such a pretentious, overarching arrangement than film lists. Firstly, they are boring. If “The Godfather” tops another film list I will eat a trilby hat. This is not to say that The Godfather doesn’t deserve the accolade of top spot. Far from it. It represents the zenith of
Hollywood moviemaking, featuring a once-in-lifetime ensemble cast and perfectly marries Italian-American values with the mafia underworld.

It may be hard to dispute the validity of a list that carries a film of The Godfather’s stature as its flagship, but a greatest film list should inspire, not merely confirm a consensus: we already know The Godfather is a great film. What a list of this nature should do is bring other (possibly lesser known) pictures to the forefront. Film lists should act as a guide and not a manual.

Film lists are also wrong. This is especially true of one’s conducted by movie magazines or ones where people can vote for a film. Just a quick scroll through the imdb.com top 250 poll and I made a few startling finds. Look at the top ten and you’ll see that “The Dark Knight”, a film that’s hardly stood the test of time, sits at number 7. To put that into perspective, that’s sixty five places above the incredible “Raging Bull” – another film that features a main character struggling to confront his inner-self.

One of the reasons why the imdb poll, and any film list, is flawed is because of something I call ‘fanboy-voting’. This is when fans of a particular film will pump thousands of votes into a film regardless of whether it’s any good or not. This was apparent in 2007 when The Simpsons movie skyrocketed into the top 100 but with one small problem – it hadn’t even been released!

One thing we have to remember when we look at film guides, or indeed film reviews, is that people are 1) different and 2) quite often stupid. Everyone has a right to their opinion (unless you’re reading this in
Iran) and films, above all other art forms, provoke the most debate amongst their viewers. Because of this for every person who pines for “The Shawshank Redemption” there’ll be another who craves for “The Love Guru” – and there’s a whole list of reasons why that’s a bad film.

Masterpiece: Hard Boiled


Lets face it, the 80’s sucked. The decade that gave us polar necks, a recession and Tom Selleck-moustaches didn’t treat us too kindly when it came to cinema. Despite giving us some memorable hair (see: Patrick Swayze) and enough testosterone fuelled follies to last, well, a month or two, ultimately for every ravishing Raging Bull there was a dismal Driving Miss Daisy. They even had two spindly runners beat full-time archaeologist/geezer Indiana Jones at the Oscars.

The 90’s needed start with a bang and who better to provide it than the Hong Kong-master himself, John Woo. After coming to the attention of Hollywood with his gangster epic A Better Tomorrow, Woo was criticised for glamorising the underworld. His response, Hard Boiled – a stylised 80’s film and certainly more ‘Hollywood’ is superior to A Better Tomorrow - switches its attention to the world of undercover police with riveting results.

At the turn of the decade guns are being smuggled into Hong Kong by rival Triad gangs. Hero-cop Tequila (Yun Fat) is the cop assigned with the mission of bringing this racket down and when his partner is gunned down during a blistering opening scene in a restaurant, it becomes a personal vendetta.

When it’s revelled that the police already have an undercover agent, Tony, (Leung) infiltrating both gangs, Tequila and Tony join forces to take down crime lord Johnny.

The opening itself is a tour de force from an exuberant Woo. Flash-pans, slow-mo, freeze-frames, the opening barrage and indeed most of the films set pieces bring Peckinpah into the late 20th century with nuclear-esque explosions. Never has there been such an exhilarating opening.

As double-cross’s follow and rival gangs become one supra-gang, Tequila continues the only way he knows how: if you can’t beat them, shoot them.

And shoot them he does. The loquacious violence, as brutal as it is, feels orchestrated and balletic. Woo jolts the camera around a warehouse shootout like a music video, bullets and bodies flying everywhere all to the sounds of a fast tempo synth-based soundtrack. It’s not mindless violence, it’s meticulous and operatic as though Chow Yun Fat is conducting the orchestra with an uzi.

The finale, all twenty-five minutes of it, is a spectacle in itself. Bandleader Johnny has cunningly stashed his arsenal of weapons in a hospital giving cinema one of it’s greatest shoot-outs and some innovative uses of hospital beds.

Hard Boiled does strike up similarities with other action-masterpiece Die Hard. Bruce Willis’ John Mclane is the parallel of Yun Fat’s Tequila. Both are renegade police with an insatiable love for what they do and no matter what happens you know that the end these hard-arses will walk off into the sunset virtually unscathed. What makes Hard Boiled the better experience is that it mixes what was bad about the 80’s and somehow manages to transcend caricature and in doing so becomes more visceral. And Tequila could totally have Mclane!